Dog training, like most things in life, works best when it’s balanced. The problem is that balance rarely makes headlines. Extreme ideas spread faster because they’re easier to label and follow. But when it comes to helping dogs live calmly and confidently, rigid thinking often holds both dogs and people back.
If you’re familiar with my work, you’ll know that I advocate being a Nurturer, an Authority, a Protector, and a Coach. These four roles shape how we communicate, guide, and build trust with our dogs. But not every dog requires the same level of leadership, protection, or nurturing. Just as two children with different personalities need different approaches, dogs do too.
The art of good dog training is emotional intelligence — knowing which role to lean into, when, and why. It’s not about being soft or strict. It’s about being adaptable. And that’s something only balance can give you.
The Problem with Extremes
Dog training has become divided into camps. On one end are those who believe that all behaviour should be managed with affection, play, and treats. On the other are those who believe in firm control, corrections, and discipline. Both sides mean well, but when taken too far, both can create more problems than they solve.
A balanced approach sits in the middle. It accepts that dogs, like people, need structure and care. They need reassurance and guidance. Too much of one without the other leads to emotional confusion — the dog doesn’t understand who’s responsible for what. This imbalance often sits at the heart of the behavioural issues I see in my private one to one dog training sessions across London.
When Kindness Turns into Toxic Enabling
Let’s start with over-nurturing. This is the side most people fall into without realising it. Their intentions are good — they love their dog, want them to be happy, and feel uncomfortable doing anything that might upset them. But too much nurturing without boundaries leads to what I call toxic enabling.
It starts small. The dog jumps on the sofa and is allowed to stay there because “it’s just easier.” They bark at visitors and are reassured with a soft voice. They pull on the lead and are given freedom to explore because “they need exercise.” None of these actions seem serious on their own, but together they send one message: you decide what happens here.
When a dog believes they control what happens, it doesn’t make them confident. It makes them responsible. And that responsibility quickly turns to stress. The dog may become reactive on walks, anxious when left alone, or overprotective in the home. The person thinks they’re being kind, but from the dog’s point of view, no one is clearly leading.
Client Story: Bruno from Stoke Newington
Bruno, a young Labrador from Stoke Newington, is a perfect example of this pattern. His owner, Sarah, called me after months of barking at the door, pulling on the lead, and jumping up at guests. She had already seen several trainers and had spent a small fortune on different techniques, but nothing seemed to work.
When I arrived for the private one to one dog training session, I could see immediately that Bruno was deeply attached to Sarah. He followed her everywhere, nudging her constantly for reassurance. She would stroke him, speak softly, and tell him it was okay — even when he barked or pushed past her to greet me. Her love for him was obvious, but so was her exhaustion.
As we talked, Sarah admitted she worried about being too firm. She’d read online that setting boundaries could damage trust, and she didn’t want to “ruin his spirit.” But what she didn’t realise was that Bruno’s stress came from a lack of direction, not a lack of affection. He was living in a world with no clear lines, so he felt responsible for managing every situation.
We started by creating calm structure. Sarah learned to give Bruno space to make better choices instead of constantly reassuring him. We introduced short boundaries — simple pauses before going through doors or greeting guests. Within minutes, Bruno began to settle. He wasn’t being “told off.” He was being guided.
By the end of our session, Sarah said something that stuck with me: “I thought I was being kind by saying yes all the time, but I was actually making him anxious.” That’s toxic enabling in a nutshell. When we avoid boundaries out of love, we often create the very insecurity we’re trying to prevent.
When Authority Becomes Control
On the other end of the spectrum is excessive authority. These are the approaches built entirely around obedience, control, and correction. The intention here is often to prevent chaos or establish respect, but when it goes too far, it disconnects the dog from the person emotionally.
I’ve seen dogs that obey every command but carry a constant undercurrent of tension. They follow instructions not out of trust, but to avoid conflict. They don’t make mistakes because they’re afraid to. This kind of relationship looks calm on the surface, but it’s built on suppression, not understanding.
A balanced approach recognises that authority has a purpose. Dogs need direction. They need someone to take charge when things feel uncertain. But authority must come from calm confidence, not force or frustration. When it does, dogs naturally defer because they feel safe in that guidance.
Over-authority also risks ignoring emotional needs. Training that focuses only on behaviour misses the reason behind it. A dog that growls might not be “defying” anyone — it might be scared, confused, or overstimulated. Punishing the growl doesn’t solve the cause. It just hides it, which is why many obedience-based approaches fail to create lasting change.
Client Story: Duke from North London
Duke, a German Shepherd from North London, showed the opposite problem. His owner, Mark, had grown up with working dogs and believed strict obedience was essential. When Duke pulled on the lead or barked, Mark would use sharp corrections. At home, Duke wasn’t allowed on furniture, wasn’t spoken to much, and was always on alert.
When I arrived for the dog behavioural help session, Duke’s body language told me everything — ears pinned, tail stiff, eyes fixed. He didn’t trust easily, and every movement seemed to carry tension. Mark was frustrated, convinced that Duke was “defiant.”
As we worked together, I showed Mark how to bring in nurturing without losing authority. He learned to relax his energy, reward calm behaviour, and invite Duke into short sessions of play and rest. It took time, but the change was remarkable.
Duke began to soften. His bark became less defensive and his eyes more curious. The bond between them deepened, not because Mark lost control, but because he gained emotional connection. Authority stayed, but compassion entered. That balance turned obedience into trust.
This is the kind of transformation that’s possible when people combine private one to one dog training with emotional awareness. The training isn’t about dominance or indulgence — it’s about communication and balance.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to read the moment and respond appropriately. In dog training, that means knowing when to be nurturing and when to be firm, when to protect and when to step back. It’s a mental flexibility that allows you to adapt to each situation and each dog.
You might have a confident, pushy dog who needs more structure and less indulgence. You might have a sensitive dog who needs gentle reassurance and patience. And you might have a dog that switches between the two depending on the environment. A balanced person can adjust their energy and timing to suit the dog in front of them.
When I work with families, I often see how personality plays into this. Some people naturally lean towards nurturing, others towards authority. Neither is wrong — but if you can only operate from one side, your communication becomes predictable. Dogs read that predictability and either push against it or withdraw.
A balanced dog guardian understands both empathy and boundaries. They can provide comfort without losing structure. They can enforce rules without losing warmth. That’s emotional intelligence in action.
Recognising When Balance Has Been Lost
It’s not always easy to see when a relationship with a dog has become unbalanced. Toxic enabling often hides behind affection, while over-authority hides behind discipline. The signs are usually emotional rather than behavioural.
If your dog struggles to switch off, constantly demands attention, or becomes anxious when you move, there’s a good chance they’re taking on too much emotional responsibility. They’re trying to manage the environment because they don’t believe you’re doing it for them.
If your dog is withdrawn, hesitant, or only responsive when commanded, they may have become emotionally shut down. They’re not engaging; they’re complying. That’s not connection — it’s control.
In both cases, the solution starts with awareness. Ask yourself, “What is my dog feeling?” and “What role am I playing right now?” The answer will guide you to the adjustment needed.
The Importance of Private One to One Dog Training
This kind of balance is difficult to achieve through group classes or online videos alone. Every dog is different, and so is every person. That’s why private one to one dog training in London is often the most effective path. It allows for real observation, conversation, and adjustment in real time.
During a session, I can see how your dog reads you, how you respond to stress, and how both of you influence each other. We can then shape your approach together — finding the point where you both feel calm, confident, and connected.
Private training also gives time to unpack the emotional side of behaviour, not just the technical one. Most unwanted behaviours stem from emotional imbalance, not lack of obedience. When you understand the reason behind your dog’s actions, the behaviour starts to change naturally.
This approach builds confidence, not dependency. It teaches both dog and person how to think, not just what to do.
Why Balance Creates Lasting Change
Balance is powerful because it builds trust. A dog that trusts their person to lead, nurture, and protect will relax and listen. They no longer need to control or guard. They no longer have to guess what’s expected.
When you are consistent, fair, and emotionally steady, your dog mirrors that stability. They learn through clarity, not conflict. That’s when training becomes effortless — when it stops being about commands and starts being about communication.
Extremes can work temporarily, but they rarely last. A purely nurturing approach often collapses when boundaries are needed. A purely authoritative one crumbles when empathy is required. Balance, however, adapts to both moments.
The aim of private one to one dog training isn’t to turn you into a disciplinarian or a soft touch. It’s to help you understand your dog’s emotional world and guide them through it with confidence. That’s what transforms behaviour in the long term.
The Takeaway
Being open-minded in dog training means understanding that no single method fits every dog. Ideologies create rules; emotional intelligence creates relationships.
Sometimes a firm boundary is the kindest thing you can give a dog. Sometimes patience and comfort are what they need most. The real skill lies in knowing which one to offer — and when.
Balance isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about staying calm enough to read your dog, humble enough to adapt, and consistent enough to lead. That’s where harmony lives.
Related Reading and Services
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Private One to One Dog Training in London – https://dogtraininginlondon.co.uk/behavioural-consultation/
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Understanding Dog Behaviour Videos – https://dogtraininginlondon.co.uk/dog-training-videos/
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Dog Behaviourist London – Book a Consultation – https://dogtraininginlondon.co.uk/contact/
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Return to Home Page – https://dogtraininginlondon.co.uk/
